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Can I get some fwebakc on this poem? Previously posted but no answers.?

Author : Freeseat

Submitted : 2018-02-23 00:07:57    Popularity:     

Tags: poem  fwebakc  Previously  answers  posted  

Blackbirds and the Moon. As I sat and I pondered, the sky painted itself a beautiful pastel orange. I had forgotten for a moment whether it was sunrise or sunset. My eyes burned as sunlight danced it's way into the sky. The chill in the air li

Answers:

.
  It is ok, yet appears too safe, maybe not enough vigor, the lull is correct in silent aura at dawn, and is close to prose format, but enough array of vision to use as poetic .

So to safe, simple jack and Jill resting in a field,

You may want unaccounted for actions, or extend terms to our senses without telling us

“The collectives of caw swooped in with a noise of darkness”
“ The nightly orb faded to the colours of a sailors delight “

Sort of saying without telling straight up.
..

Don't worry about it, all poetry is sh/t.

You should write what you know not what you think people want to hear.

Writing about the sky sunrise, sunset, sunlight blackbirds... sounds corny because so many amazing writers have written about them before eg.

https://interestingliterature.com/2016/1...

Tennyson and Edgar Alan Poe wrote amazingly about blackbirds. I think Ted Hughes did too. Not to mention Paul McCartney's Blackbird and Norah Jones' Sunrise...

Think about stuff you like, really like and know well, then write about that: could be kissing or whatever food, or going out or little vignettes of memories you've had with friends and family. You could blow any reader out the water with poems like that.

People can smell it when what you write isn't true so you can ponder about pastel orange and sound jobless cos you forgot if it's the morning or the end of the day lol! Or You can write about something true and real like Robert Frost (stopping by woods) or Philip Larkin (Going) or Bukowski (Bluebird).

It doesn't flow - it just sounds awkward.

You could also work on your spelling.
Blackbirds is one word, and you're using the wrong spelling of * its *. There's only an apostrophe when it's short for * it is *.

a poem should have 4 lines' and rhyme. this is called resonance.
sorry but it is not very good though the feelings are



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