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Lost and scared?

Author : Sarah

Submitted : 2018-02-26 12:00:58    Popularity:     

Tags: Lost  scared  

So I am 8 months pregnant my boyfriend and I lived together with my two kids . He is the decision maker . I am ok following rules . Women cook pay half the bills keep the house spotless . My kids and him kept bumping heads . He would often tell my son he

Answers:

The guy is an abusive LOSER who is trying to Hoover you back into the relationship so he can continue to abuse you.

The best thing you could do for yourself right now is to not interact with him at all. Don’t talk to, email, text, don’t have any interactions with him at all. Tell him it’s over and to leave you alone. If he continues to try to talk or contact you block him in all forms of media and get a restraining order.

What you have been living with with him is abuse. If you want to read about this you can google psychological and emotional abuse and read. He likely has a personality disorder. If you want to read about this you can google dark triad personality disorder or cluster b personality disorder.

It is very hard to learn that you are being abused in a relationship and that realization is fragile at first. You may not even recognize it or understand it even as I am saying it here but that is what was happening.

You made a good choice moving out. Don’t make the mistake of backtracking. The pregnancy should not be a factor in this decision. I know it seems like it would be, but going back would make him even more powerful and mean and he would never say it, but he will need to punish you and your kids for leaving.

I suggest you contact your local womens organization and try to find a counselor or therapist to talk to and help you sort out your feelings and possibly refer you to any resources that may be available to help you.

You did right thing you need a real man that will be good to your kids and you.

Listen, he is not the man you want to be around not have your kids around. I’ve been in a similar situation, with my parents. My dad was very verbally abusive, and my mother fit your description of yourself. My mom yanked us out of that house as soon as my dad hit me this one night, after I broke a 5$ vase on accident. Anyways, yes, my mom struggled and I was forced to get a job at 14, as well as drop out of high school to get a full time job, but it taught me a lot and forced me to grow up quickly. I’m enrolled at Wash State now in my second year of college with a GED. Trust me, for your kids sake as well as yours, keep them away from that man. Everyone needs a father figure in their life, so do your best to understand he is a manipulative liar, and take your time to move on, and meet a true man who can love you and your kids 1000x more than your kids biological father did.

Sure he wants you back. He misses sex and house keeping service. You’re going to lose your son if you move back, because your son will move out ASAP and never look back. Your daughter will never amount to anything no matter how smart she is because her example is to do whatever the man says. If you new one is a girl, she’ll surely be molested at some point.

Now for the positive. You’ll get half the rent paid, and gain an adult child.

you made the right choice when you dumped him, i wouldnt go back to someone like that especially if hes being mean to your kids

Stay where you are. You left for many reasons and those reasons haven't changed, nor has your boyfriend. He is still the same selfish jerk you left, just sorry because he doesn't like the consequences of his actions. If he wants to continue to see you he can while living apart. But you have too much to lose by going back now. Its not just your credit, but your self respect and safety of your children.

You already did the bravest thing, which is also the right thing. You put your kids, including that baby that's coming soon, ahead of yourself. You got them away from a man who sounds like a horrible person, one they should not have to be around. And you are once again in control of your life. High five on that!

Now your next steps need to be continued independence. You were already doing more than half the heavy lifting of running a household, raising the kids, keeping things spotless, and paying half the bills. Hell, it's not much of a reach to do it all and who needs this guy? Well, your child might, in the form of child support, but it's unlikely this man will parent the new one any better than he did with your others, which was appallingly badly.

In your shoes, I'd start the job search online now as well as seeking child care. You'd want to arrange some new-baby time before you begin. And I'd take whatever steps you must to claim child support.

It's not easy, but we're so proud of you!

You've made good choices. You've got your own roof over your head with your kids. He's not going to make a good Dad, really... not better to his own than to your own and you know what it's like to live with him and you moved out. Being "sorry" is immaterial in the real world. It doesn't change behaviors. Keep your space. Keep him out of it. See how the next two years go. Start arranging things right now to allow you and your children to keep your place. Set up babycare so you can go to work. Your kids sound old enough that you don't have to watch them 24/7. When the baby is born, file for child support and custody arrangements. Don't let him near your other kids.. they hate him they are scared of him and they have reason to be so. See what the next two years bring without sharing a roof with him. He's mean. And he's intent on controlling you. Just refuse that position.

You are on the road to recovery, it's a painful and frightening journey. It would be so easy to turn back now. It would be pure hell however more so than if you kept pushing forward. The only way to peace is by walking through the fire, there is no other choice.



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