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Is it possible to have a family take me in and help me until I give birth and then they adopt the ba

Author : Rosalie

Submitted : 2018-06-13 21:33:20    Popularity:     

Tags: give  family  birth  baby  adopt  

I’m 20 and live in Wisconsin. I’m pregnant and I’m due September 17th with a girl. When I told my (now ex) boyfriend, he broke up with me and vanished. He blocked me on all platforms. All of his family lives out of state in different states so he could ho

Answers:

Let's pretend that was possible. What will you do once you've given birth? You leave the hospital, go back to their place to collect your things and then....?

And how are you planning to save money while you're pregnant?

The time to stop dreaming and become proactive is NOW.

Its great that you are looking at your options now, before the baby is born.
Its also great that you are able to stay with a friend, even though your family isn't supportive.
Talk with your doctor about adoption and what services are available for pregnant moms who are in need of help. They should be able to point you to the right people who can help you out.

Contact your local crisis pregnancy center (CPC) and explain your situation. Some CPCs have homes where mothers can live while waiting to give birth. If you happen to change your mind and want to keep the baby, they also have classes on parenting, and referrals to other helpful services.

I agree with others here who suggest waiting to make an adoption plan until after you've given birth. You may become aware of resources you didn't know about that would let you keep the baby. Besides, it's very hard on an adoptive couple when a mom gets their hopes up and then changes her mind after the birth. Don't worry that no one will be available to adopt your baby if you wait. There are couples who would be more than delighted to get a baby who's already several days or several weeks old.

It's unlikely you could live with them, but some adoptive couples will provide some financial reimbursement for medical expenses and sometimes even living expenses. There are 40 couples waiting for every baby available for adoption, so when it comes to arranging an adoption agreement, they tend to be very much in favor of the birth mother.

That said, though, in most states whatever money the couple gives to pay your expenses is legally considered a gift, so if you decided to change your mind at the last minute and keep the baby, the couple would have little to no recourse in recouping the funds. So if there is ANY chance you might change your mind and want to keep the baby, don't start the adoption process at all, or wait until *after* the baby is born so you know for sure. These couples have waited YEARS for children and have endured a level of emotional pain you can only imagine, and they don't need to be out tens of thousands of dollars on top of that.

You are unlikely to find a family that is willing to let you live with them. But, most adoptive families pay a fee through an agency and that fee includes coverage of any medical costs you incur during your pregnancy.

If you are sure about adoption, seek out an agency. There are plenty of agencies out there, so be sure to do your research. Once you decide on the agency and the agency accepts you, then you will likely be given a list of families to choose from. These families have already gone through the whole interview process for the agency, so you're only seeing their names because they have been completely approved by the agency. You'll begin the interview process and get to know them a bit before making your decision. Once you do, THEN you can discuss costs.

Most adoptions include medical costs in the contract. The adoptive parents may also be asked to cover additional expenses as the agency sees fit. If you can prove you have a need for additional money, you can absolutely ask for it. It may or may not be given though.

Also bear in mind that if you change your mind and go back on the contract, you may be asked to return any money you took that the adoptive parents gave you with the impression of adopting your child. So do not do this lightly or just for money.

You should talk to an adoption lawyer first, to see what the adoption laws are in regards to this in your state. Some would allow it and others won't. If you're living with the couple, they may see that as a bribe for the baby.

When you're expecting to place your baby adoption and use an adoption lawyer or an adoption agency sometimes the adoptive parents cover some of your expenses like helping with rent, food, cell phone bills, etc but some states have caps on how much they can help with and in some instances the couple or parent hoping to adopt can set limits of what they can afford (most adoptive parents are not rich, they are middle class and spending their life savings on the adoption). However, if you accept money or help with no intent to place the baby for adoption that's adoption fraud and you can be prosecuted for it you can be required to repay the money (and sent to jail). The money in most cases is not handed to you directly. If you needed something paid, the HAP's (hopeful adoptive parents) would pay the amount needed to the adoption agency or adoption attorney and they would pay the bill directly like if you needed help with an electricity bill, they would pay the electric company directly. Or if there is money in their fee or account set up for such things, they would take the monies from that. Again though the HAP's and the state can cap how much is acceptable and some requests the HAP's can turn down, they're not an ATM. Also on that note, most adoption require the use of 2 attorney's, the adoptive parents attorney and the attorney for the expectant parent, the adoptive parents are required to cover the costs of the attorney for the expectant parents. Attorney fees are generally separate from adoption agency fees. Generally only in a direct placement adoption (where the expectant parent and HAP's generally know each other) would you use only 1 attorney.

If you decide to place your baby for adoption, it would likely be better off if you did not live with them and I think you'd find few that want to do it that way. You may think right up until he/she is born that you're going to place them and then change your mind. Living with them, you may feel guilty and sign away your parental rights due to that, if you decide at birth that you want to parent, that is 100% okay. Don't let anyone convince you that you can't decide to parent. The pressure will likely come from the adoption agency who this couple is paying a lot money to. Even if they have paid a lot of money and have helped you, you're still not required to place the baby for adoption after birth. They may guilt you with how much the couple has paid and actually out that money but that is still your baby if you decide to parent. Outside of that, you need a long term place to live it's unlikely you'd be living with them much past placement of the baby, if you did at all.

If you decide to proceed with adoption, be open to all family types. There's a lot of single hopeful adoptive parents that can provide and parent a child as well as a gay couples, single men as well as traditional married couples. The right couple will be the couple who wants to include you as part of the child's life. Most adoptions now are "open" adoptions. The expectant parent(s) pick out the adoptive parents from profiles they're presented with or may find them by another means and open means the biological parent(s) are involved in the child's life growing up. That can include letters, pictures, updates, visits, etc. It's really at the comfort level of everyone involved. However, the adoptive parents do not have to do this there's nothing legally stopping them from stopping visits with the child. A friend of mine adopted a little boy who is about 6 and he's always known his bio mom, in fact she got married recently and he was in her wedding. That's how well the adoptive and biological parent get along.

There's a lot of resources out there to help you keep and parent your baby. If you're seeing an OB/GYN, talk to them about it they can get you in touch with the appropriate resources. My mother-in-law is an OB/GYN and she does this for patients. Have you contacted the state to see what kind of options are available to you (welfare)? I'm not advocating being on welfare but you're going to need prenatal care, somewhere to live, etc. What I would advocate is going to school. Some colleges have programs for young parents for the child to attend daycare at the school while the parent attends classes. You're not always going to be young and broke.

Just because you haven't had great parents, doesn't mean you can't be one. Given your age and resources (income) it will be harder for you than someone with a good support system, but that doesn't mean you can't do it. My mom had a deadbeat mom, she walked out and my grandpa raised her and her siblings after that, my mom was a totally different parent than her mom was.

The father of this baby will also need to consent to the adoption, he would need to sign TPR too (termination of parental rights). Not having a father listed on the birth certificate makes the adoption harder, not easier. The state will require a reasonable effort be made to locate the father and any person named as the father would be DNA tested to be sure they are the actual father. Each state has it's own guidelines on what it deems as reasonable. If he's not contacted and later finds out, he can have the adoption overturned in court, even past the revocation period. Revocation period is a timeline when the biological parents can legally change their mind and take the baby back after TPR has been signed, it's usually about 30 days but can be up until finalization of the adoption.

Several years ago my husband and I were matched with a girl in a situation similar to yours and we had actually intended on adopting her baby. We did help her financially. However, the more I got to know her the more I came to realize she wanted to parent, she just didn't think she could or that she would be good at it and she didn't have a supportive family. Nobody starts out a good parent. So instead of the adoption, we opted to help her and be her support system. It was disappointing at first, but it was the right thing. She wanted to be a nurse was her long term goal so we helped her pay for nursing assistant school and my husband helped her get a job at the hospital he works at (he's a physician). She's a nurse now and doing quite well for herself. Just bought her first home and does a great job taking care of her daughter, by herself.

Contact Planned Parenthood - they can make a referral to a good adoption agency.
You can reach them at 1-800-230-7526

What you are describing would be part of an adoption agreement arranged by a lawyer.
You wouldn't necessarily live with them, but be given a stipend on which to live until the baby arrived. It would be a private contract, so whatever you sign, make sure you understand all of it and agree to all of it. Best of luck.

Talk to lawyer.



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