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Nephew is 4 years old but still gets treated like a baby?

Author :

Submitted : 2018-06-14 00:28:35    Popularity:     

Tags: years  Nephew  baby  treated  

Myself and partner have been rowing over whether of not we should be watching his 4 year old nephew overnight we have him regularly , I'm not blaming the child but he's got challenging behaviours there's no discipline or rules in his life, he

Answers:

If they're trying to keep him dependent like a baby then it is potential abuse/neglect, but if the boy is developmentally delayed then it's not a matter of poor parenting. If you're not comfortable watching him, then don't.

This isn't your issue to "fix." The parents can either choose to handle it or not.

"I'm sorry, but until his learning delays and behavior are addressed, we can't watch him."

Aww you poor whiney thing.

Regarding speech, you need to learn his language - and gently correct him. For example, if he points to something and grunts, ask him "do you want the (toy/teddy bear/cereal box)?". Do that several times, being very specific about what it is that he may be pointing at. And remind him when he inevitably gets frustrated that it's okay and to use his words.

As for the other stuff, different kids develop at different paces. So what if he is using a pacifier, & a bottle still. Maybe you can "lose" them for a bit and replace the former with a teddy bear and the latter with a fun new plastic cup. But bring them back if he is inconsolable. Whatever you do, you need to run it by the parents first.

Talk with the parents.
Let them know that you love spending time with him, and are more than willing to take him for a night so they can have kid free time together, but as he has grown up his behavior hasn't matched that, and its making it difficult to care for him. Tell them what you have told us here, that he does not communicate and that makes it hard to know what he wants and needs. Its totally normal for him to have a pacifier, many children still do at this age. But he needs to be speaking. You should also let them know that there are rules in your house about treating each other nicely, and that means no hitting, kicking, biting, or spitting, and that he can't follow those rules. If the parents want you to be a caretaker for their child, then they will have to teach their child boundaries and how to communicate, if not then they don't have you to watch him.
Saying it like this is not placing blame on anybody, that is not what you want to do. There are rules for your house, and he can't follow them, and if he can't follow them then he can't stay over, and if he can't stay over then you can't watch him.

Perhaps this child has mental or physical deficits that you are unaware of. So how dare you assume that he's lazy or that his parents are lacking? At the very least, he sounds like autism might be at the root of the problem, as the 'behaviors' you are bemoaning here fit right in with that possible diagnosis. Have his parents taken him for testing of any sort? That's what their real responsibility is to this child. To get him the best possible medical care and physical/cognitive therapies that are necessary if he's on the spectrum. It Isn't about correcting behaviors, so you need to pull back on your harsh comments and judgmental outbursts. There are probably very good reasons why your nephew has the traits of a baby. Get off your high horse, stop judging and help your brother and sister in law help their child instead.

A 4 year old who isn't talking isn't a child who 'isnt' being discplined.' He is a child with some significant developmental or cognitive delays.

You are not required to watch a child when you don't feel able to deal with his special needs.

I'm confused, you take care of the child on a regular basis, yet still can't understand the child? That would be on you then. The parents understand him fine so he can communicate, you have been around him on a regular basis but fail to be able to understand/communicate. That would indicate an unwillingness on your part, a lack of attention/understanding on your part, which then throws your entire question into question. Is it the kid, is it you, or is it a combination?

I would discipline him, regardless.

If his dummy parents won't... but leave the responsibility to me... to watch him... best believe I'm going to go to town and whippin' his little *** into shape.

It is what it is. And I don't mean you have to spank him. But training him on how to behave, the tone of your voice and your sterness... helps the child understand right from wrong and what pxsses you off. Then he'll slowly but surely learn what to do and not do.

He sounds like he must have some cognitive disorder. Part of it may be the parents but I suggest he see a doctor. This is a kind of child neglect the parents are doing to him.



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